so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
