So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
