none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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