She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
