quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My feet surprised me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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