remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the condom got lost in my hair
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
