friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
