I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
