Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
