Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I still have a little drunk in my system
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
