either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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