Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize