I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
