please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
