You can't motorboat a personality
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
