Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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