Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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