dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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