found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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