i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
