I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i dont even know how to be here
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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