Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize