you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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