she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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