Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Randomize
