it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
