Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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