About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
