Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
