Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Randomize
