So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
