My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
