If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize