It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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