no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
