Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
