Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
