Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
