Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
