i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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