Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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