last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize