my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
