I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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