how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
