You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
