stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
