So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
