I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize