my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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