I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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