Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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