i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
