none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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