The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
