i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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