I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
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