meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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