i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
