Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
