The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
