She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
