True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
