Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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