he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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