organizing the empties. That sober.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
