dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
