I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
