I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
