false alarm. still invincible.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
