How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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